What's next after exams?

So today is GCSE results day. I only know a handful of teenagers who have taken GCSE's this year, and well done to all of them and everyone else. Exam's are so stressful and can cause a lot of anxiety. They are forced on all children and often, when choosing which exams to take, there is a lot of persuasion from schools and teachers thinking about their own reputation.  So well done everyone. You've all done amazingly..... but what now?

A 16 year old won't necessarily know what they want out of life. Unless they have their lives pre-determined, laid out and are happy to follow those steps, then this is a life changing moment when young people must decide whether they want to carry on in education, get out and start earning money, stay at school or move away to college.

The first question I always ask my young clients is "What do you like?" They often look at me, as if they should answer in terms of occupation and I get blank looks. So the question I re-ask is "What do you like, in life, in general, as a hobby, as an interest". My clients chat to me and I love the animation as they tell me about the things they enjoy in life.
Most of the time, they put no connection to the things they love and careers (think theme parks, horses, shopping).

But hear this - virtually every single thing we come across in life will have at least one job associated with it. There are theme park workers, owners, head office workers. There are jockeys, horse racing career paths, personal shoppers, retail managers etc).

So if you are in a position where you don't know what steps to take next, think about what you love. Decide whether further education will help to create a career around your hobby and think slightly longer term (although we are still only 16 years old here, so long term doesn't factor highly) as to whether your education/apprentice/straight into work will be transferable, should you decide in a few years that it's not the move for you.  Then look into your hobbies and see what careers are available, and what would suit you or what you could build up to.

Whilst you're in a position hopefully to stay at home, be supported by your family and not worry about mortgage repayments yet make the most of being young, making choices, making mistakes and making more choices. But importantly, try and have as much fun along the way, because this is the start of the rest of your life.

Enjoy!
www.alexisnoble.com

New Dads matter too...

I have recently been working with a few new Dads. Lovely, caring gentlemen with gorgeous new babies to enjoy.  They are however troubled, and rightly so have sought help from me to understand why they feel so neglected and unwanted at this time of massive change.

It's 100% true that when a baby is born, the mother will naturally turn her attention to the new baby. I have been there myself.  The thought process generally goes along the lines of -

1. I love my husband very much, but now this little person needs my attention all the time.
2. I love my husband very much but he can get on and do what he needs to do whilst I address the baby's needs.
3. I love my husband very much but I'm in pain and this is all his fault!
4. I love my husband very much but why can't he read my mind and just bring the biscuit tin in here, rather than me having to ask.
5. I love my husband very much but he can't produce breast milk...

and so on. Mothers don't intentionally neglect their partners but the general idea is that the father can cope on his own more than the baby can.

So as a father, what can you do to feel better about yourself, your partner and your new life?

Firstly, you need to understand the situation. Understand that the baby needs constant attention, but also that you can provide a lot of that attention. Don't be scared of your baby, you won't break her, but by building your relationship with her early on, you will also build up your own baby coping confidence and enjoyment of your new life.

It is very common to feel neglected by your partner at this time. Don't hide in the corner as a result, but talk to your partner, as you would want her to talk to you. Tell her how nervous you feel, how excited you feel but don't put any demands on her at this time (you will seriously get shot down).

Ask yourself how you would ideally like to be feeling in this situation, because this situation is here to stay, FOREVER! and work on changing the negative thoughts you have about your status to more positive ones.
For example - "I can't breastfeed therefore I can't feed the baby" can change to "I can give my partner a pillow to support herself whilst breastfeeding and make us both a cuppa for when she is done and I can burp baby over my shoulder.
Look at your baby strengths you may not realise you have yet. My husband was the champion baby burper, and it got to the point where NCT friends were handing over their babies for him to deal with once they were fed.
Maybe you're the fastest nappy changer, or can get baby to giggle before anyone else.  You won't know your strengths until you try them out, and whilst you're trying them out, not only are you gaining your number one fan, but also are putting yourself in an equally important role as Mum.

Show your partner, the world but most importantly yourself how great you are, and your own self worth will put you back in the limelight, alongside your adorable little baby. Not a competition for attention but a double act for life.