Learning when to take a step back

Today's blog has come quite easily to me and is something that even as a Life Coach, I need to tell myself over and over.

We constantly strive to be the best we can, we are told to push to the limit, get out of our comfort zone, reach all the goals we want to reach and everything that we want, with some hard work we can get.

This is all great, but there comes a point, where actually, it's time to review the situation and stop pushing.  It by no means equates to failure, but rather, a change in the road we are following, and we can continue our path of success down a slightly different route.

If you are at work, working your socks off, and pushing, pushing for promotion. You know you can do the job, you know you deserve it but the promotion is not coming. You get out of your comfort zone and ask your boss for that promotion, and your boss tells you it's not quite the right time. Do you give up and sit back at your desk for another year? You cannot push any further, but you can change your route, and perhaps look outside the organisation you're in now, and look for that promotion as a new job, and probably a bigger salary. Not giving up, but changing your route.

If you have a friend who you put a lot of time and effort in, you invite her to all your "do's", take her kids out when she is at work, laugh at her jokes and think about when you're both old and reminiscing about the olden days whilst your grandkids are playing in the park together. And then you wonder why she never returns the invitations. You're not invited back to her house, not part of the party and only called on for emergency babysitting. Do you push the friendship or do you step back and ask yourself what you are getting out of it? If you're life long dream is to be a charity babysitter then keep going, but if you're after an equal friendship (surely if this was your other half, you wouldn't accept this behaviour would you?), then time to change the path and seek an alternative one, taking your social skills you've learned with you for the next lucky person.

And finally, when you decide you can be a cordon bleu chef, you "throw" together an amazing concoction of herbs and spices, mixed in with your mince and veg, lightly cooked over a medium heat, a little more herbs, a secret chunk of dark chocolate, another spoonful of ready crushed garlic, toss it all around and serve on a bed of quinoa and chickpea with pepper and banana jus...... and your guests are suddenly so full up from their melon starter that they can't possibly eat all their main course... it's time to either progress by booking yourself on a cookery course, or simplifying the menu for next time and make your Grandma's recipe of shepherds pie, just as everyone remembers and loves.

GO for it, but stop when you need to!
xx

Why do I do things I don't want to?

We spend our lives telling ourselves to be more "us", to do what we want to do and to be who we want to be. Especially as a Life Coach, it's my job to tell you to think about the things that will help YOU become a happier and more content person and to brush aside those things that don't add value. And then we watch ourselves doing something we really don't want to be doing, and wonder why all those positive comments have gone to waste!

They've not. Despite making ourselves happier, more confident, more secure and more successful, we do a lot of things for those we love to prevent what could just be a short period of anger. arguments or other.

If you are in a relationship with someone who you truly love, you will sacrifice so much more than you possibly even mean to, if you think it's going to keep your loved one happy, or more so, prevent them from getting upset and angry.  They may not even realise you are doing this, but our subconscious will think to protect our relationships before putting our own needs first.

It's a simple equation of working out whether you would upset yourself or your loved one more, and most of the time, we can explain to ourselves why we've done what we've done, where as the longer term effects of upsetting a loved one can hang around a lot longer.

So, when you're sitting with your loved ones friends, being the designated driver, talking about things you have zero interest in, look at is as banked favours rather than the bain on your life and those hours you will never get back again.

And if you then need to call in those favours, you can drop a gentle reminder of what you did do, remind your lover of how great you are, and how they can do the same for you, to keep the family peace with that understanding of how love can really find a way!