Roblox, Minecraft and other games I’ve never played

Good day to you all, and I do hope this blog finds you as well as can be, not sunburnt I hope but enjoying this lovely weather.

So today I thought we could discuss Roblox, Minecraft and other things that I had to ask my children how to spell.  There is always the question of “how much time is my child spending on their gaming devices” and “is it ruining their brains”?  Well, I’ve done some investigating, and have carried out my market research on two unsuspecting candidates.  Let’s set the scene –

Me as mummy thinks they spend too much bloody time playing games. They should be either speaking to each other in French, designing clothes for their dolls (which I’ve just noticed are all in the bag to go to the charity shop), singing, playing instruments, and begging me to teach them how to create amazing and deliciously healthy salads.  OK, so maybe it’s me. Maybe I do live on a different planet after all, but in all seriousness I do question how much time they’re spending on their computers.  The girls think much differently. They argue that when they’re on their computers, they are a) not asking me things (true), b) not roaming the streets looking for trouble (possibly because we’re in lockdown and one of them is only 8 years old and not allowed out without a grown up) and c) they are still socialising with their friends.

Naturally, number c raised alarm bells. Oh my god, the girls are being groomed and have made friends online. This has to stop now, and so this is how I got involved in trying to understand their gaming. 

They had completed home school for the day, it was one minute past 3 and anything I was trying to say to them with regards to learning was met with a ‘talk to the hand’ hand, and a shout of “can we go on our computers now please?” They had to actually ask twice because I’d just sat down to a serious game of Candy Crush and had zoned out of real life. On the second time they asked I must have nodded or something because they disappeared and the house was silent, apart from the beautiful melodies coming out of Google Home and Kerrang radio.

When I’d run out of my own five lives, and knew I had to wait 26 minutes, I thought I would check up on what was taking so much of my daughter’s lives away from my Enid Blyton fantasies.  “Why don’t you write a letter to your friends?” I suggested.  I was answered by the smaller child explaining that they were writing to their friends, but in Roblox. “Hang on” I yelled at them, “who are these people you are talking to and have they asked where you live and what school you go to?” “Why would they when they go to our schools and they’re already our school friends” was the answer. 

I was allowed to see two of Lucy’s friends profiles and one of Mollys. The chat was suitably dull, boring and non-sensical so I was happy that they were their true friends, and that they only had a small handful kept me happy they weren’t befriending any old Tom, Dick or Harrys. A quick text to the mum’s of the friends confirmed we were also OK.

But I still think they should be reading books, knitting (but nothing for me to have to wear thank you) or rescuing lost animals in the garden rather than playing games. So I challenged them again. “Why don’t you go and read?” I suggested. “We’re reading now” was the quick answer from Molly.  “Look, people are posting chats and we’re reading them. I can even tell you that blonkydonkeywoowoo23 has written that down grammatically wrong Mummy”.  See, these kids know how to get me. Grrr.  Happier in the knowledge that they’re acknowledging other people’s spelling and grammar mistakes ticked off my list of other things they should be doing.  What could I challenge them with next?

“Do you want to play a game where we can learn about life and money and the world?” was my next suggestion.

“I’m at work” Lucy replied. “I own a pet shop and a pizzeria. I need to recruit a new waiter, and I have a bunch of pets that are about to spawn so I need to take care of them until they’re old enough to be sold.  When I sell them, I’ll be buying a new house!”

All my planned educational talks …. Boom. Shot down in one sentence, by a proactive, money making (albeit robucks) 8 year old.

“Aah!” my final attempt. “But you’re stuck indoors and not getting out in the fresh air!”

“Do you really want us to get sunburnt Mummy?” Molly has now got the gist of this game and is answering me before I’ve even finished my sentences. “We’ve taken the dog out, hung the washing out, can you go and play Candy Crush or something please, we’re busy!”

Point taken.  So my view on these games – I suppose some of them aren’t as bad as others. I suppose if they’ve done everything I’ve asked them to do, one of the kids wears glasses already so she’s not going to need glasses from staring at her screen and actually my lives have just reloaded on Candy Crush, so …. Until next time!

   

The Thoughts In Our Heads: It's Mental Health awareness week - be kind

The Thoughts In Our Heads: It's Mental Health awareness week - be kind: The importance of being kind What better a time than the stress this importance than during Metal health awareness week, where the accent ...

It's Mental Health awareness week - be kind

The importance of being kind

What better a time than the stress this importance than during Metal health awareness week, where the accent is indeed on being kind.

There are two ways to be kind to someone, the first is instinctive and the second thought-out.  Both are easy and free to do, but can make such a huge difference to the wellbeing of the recipient.

So, first of all let’s talk about Instinctive kindness, the easiest and quickest way to make someone feel good.

Holding the door open for someone (although now you might have to do it with an outstretched foot so as to keep your distance.  Have you ever thought about your own reactions when someone does or doesn’t do this? I know that I have spent many episodes trying to think of different ways to thank the same person in succession as we both walk through the same four doors to get to our destination. “Thank you, thanks, cheers, ta,” nodding heads, smiles. You’ll think nothing of it after, but your endorphins take note and store that memory in the good side. You’re more likely to remember the guy who didn’t hold the doors open and your reaction might be along the lines of “Oh, wow, really? THANK YOU (huge sarcasm here), can’t you see me?” and so on.  If that person stopped to have a chat with you at the final door, you’d naturally be a little pissed off. “So you did see me following you but you couldn’t keep to door open for me? Well I don’t agree that it’s a nice day outside, Sir. I think the sun is too hot and the flowers are wilting. Good Day”  Ok, so I might have gone a bit dramatic there, but it just goes to show what a big difference Instinctive kindness can have on us, and our outlook/actions.

Other forms of instinctive kindness are responding to other people, and showing that you’re listening. People talk to you because they want a response, so give them a kind response and they will feel so much better. Ignore them and they might feel hurt or unwanted. Again, it doesn’t matter if you’re a stranger to them, but if they tell you in the queue to get in to Tesco that they’re really hoping for some eggs today, just acknowledge them, smile, agree or say something to show that you’ve understood their need to communicate.

My favourite time for instinctive kindness is when I’m out walking the dog.  There is a whole level of kindness amongst dog walkers, than there is amongst shoppers for example, and don’t think I’m discriminating against shoppers, because the same people can be in both packs, but when you’re out walking the dog, people are much more likely to smile, say hello, nod in acknowledgement or in best case scenarios stop for a chat, than shoppers who are, well just shopping really.

Next time you walk down the street, smile or greet the first person you see.  They might think you’re weird at first but it will boost their endorphins and get them going.

The second kind of kindness that I’m going to talk about today (and there are zillions more, but we can’t cover them all) is ‘thought-out’.  This is where you purposely go out of your way to be kind to someone.

A good example in lockdown, is what everyone famous on the telly is telling you to do. Call someone on their own.  Thought-out because you need to think who is on their own, and have you got their phone number. It doesn’t have to be an old person either! I call or text my step sister whenever I have five minutes to breathe, and even though that’s not very often, when it does happen we’ll have a good conversation and both of us feel better for it.  Similarly, I have a friend who is totally locked in, and although she lives with her family, I know that she still wants to be thought of by others. The other day I called her from outside her house. We looked at each other through the closed window but had a great catch up.  Thought-out kindness can make a massive difference to mental wellbeing. If you’re a boss and you have furloughed your staff, by giving them a call or dropping them an email, you’re showing kindness in caring and thinking about them.  They might ignore you because they’re having too much fun home schooling, but then they might get a flutter inside to tell them that you’re thinking of them, they are still an important part of the business and this will all be over soon, when they can come back.

Thought-out kindness when you purchase something and really enjoyed it. Tell the person from whom your purchase was made and they will feel happy and proud that they’ve done a good job. Tell everyone else and that’s the best form of free advertising.

Finally, where you are a great person and can think these things through and make lists of who you are going to be kind too, it’s really really important NOT to expect the same back off everyone. Of course there will be other kind people who totally get what you are doing and will reciprocate, but not everyone is like that, or thinks like that. That doesn’t make them bad people at all, but it makes you the one in charge to be kind to them and show them how it’s done.

My love/hate relationship with Facebook*

(*and any other social media sites)

Good morning to you on this fine sunny May morning as we start another week of the new “norm”. My main job is on hold, my coaching job has moved to Zoom and I’m sitting here planning the school week for my two children. As you will know from my last blog, we’ve got a little system in place, and so far so good. So I can leave them to their own devices for a few moments whilst I write to you.

I don’t think you need any background introduction to Facebook and the others. If you don’t know what they are by now, how are you even reading my blog? I’ve been on Facebook since about 2009, I’m sure that was only a couple of years ago, but I stand to be corrected. There have been times when I’ve spent hours reading through posts, liking and loving the things that peope write, laughing at their funnies and crying at their woes. I’ve never been a big fan of poking, to be honest I think it’s a bit rude. I’d much rather wave than poke!

During times where big shit is going on, that’s when Facebook changes. It becomes political, people take sides, and if you post your own opinion, you can get shot down and publicly flailed, named and shamed. This is where Facebook and the other sites go so very, very wrong. This is where people think it’s ok to hide behind their keyboards and post their thoughts, based on no fact in most cases, push others to agree with them and bash those who don’t.

I think the biggest problem with posting your personal opinion on Facebook, much like listening to a certain reporter or reading articles from a certain journalist is that this is personal, and in more cases than not, the opinion is based on the words or actions of someone else. This then becomes a blame attack, where you might be lightly disagreeing with someone’s individual actions, but the next person will take it to the next level.

Keep posting cute pictures, funny memes and the view from your socially distanced walk. I love seeing those. It makes us smile, it makes us want to share them and temporary forget what else is going on in the world. I love reading about what you’ve been doing in lockdown, where you’ve visited, and if you post about the stresses of home schooling, I can do my best to help, sympathise or just acknowledge what you’re going through.

But start telling me what the government has done wrong, what they should have done better, or how the world is ending because someone in the Daily Mail said so, and I’m so close to unfriending you.

I know this is personal opinion and we have the option to believe whatever we want to read, but seriously guys, if you’re going to repost something, check your facts. Back up your data and treat it like a university assignment. If you submitted something in class for a History paper that had no reference, no back-up and no facts related to it, what would your teacher grade you? Think of me ( and the other intelligent people on Facebook, as there are quite a lot of them) as teachers, marking your work and grading your life based on your writings. Would you stand up at speakers corner and preach to all those socially distanced ears about your view on how Coronavirus is transferred from one person to the next (assuming you’re not actually a scientist or doctor at this stage). You might answer yes, but people will question you, test you and put you on the spot that you’ve already put yourself on. Now you might be super confident and stand there passing on your views, but people will challenge you, and in reality if you can’t back up what you’re saying, your audience will either get bored of you and walk off, or slam you for not providing the information they are asking.

So the big question is, why do it on Facebook? The answer is simple, you can write what you want, answer the questions you want and if it all get’s too heated, you can simply delete your post. But what you might not realise you’re doing is building emotion in other people, and for some who don’t agree with you, but are friends with you and therefore don’t want to challenge (or maybe they know your facts are lacking, but don’t have the facts themselves to confront) you. This emotion can range from mild annoyance, to anxiety and panic attacks. Have you ever really thought how Facebook emotionally unbalances people? And when you name people who you don’t agree with, what do you think you’re doing by publicly attacking them? You’re opening up the floodgates for other people to attack them, some more agressively than you. You’re attacking real people with real lives, families and feelings. They might be better known than you but they still are people who can get damaged.

So really, my love/hate relationship isn’t actually with Facebook. My love/hate relationship is with people, and people’s blaming of other people, taking other unfactual reports as verbatim and sharing false information (fake news). And I urge you people, please think before you type, like you would before you speak. I’m friends with people who I know I could have a sensible and grown up conversation with. I’m not friends with reporters who have a biased to what they want you to read. Unfortunately, not everyone on Facebook can read a post they don’t agree with and ignore it. People will take that information, dwell on that information and react. And the reaction is what leads to more actions that in turn affect more people. People who become depressed, angry, hurt and bitter. People who think you’ve done the research for them and therefore don’t need to do it themselves. People who might react in a more physical way and take their emotion out on the next person they see in the street.

So people, to sum up today, whilst you’re posting for everyone to Be Kind, think about your own actions and think about your audiences. Are you being kind too? To end, here’s a funny one to keep you entertained

How I'm coping with Home Schooling

I suppose the benefit of being Furloughed from both my jobs (and Furlough has earned the right for a capital F, due to it’s huge significance in my life right now, that it has it’s own name and gets mentioned quite a lot), is that I have all the time in the world to concentrate on schooling my two kids, aged 11 and 8 years.

Having selective OCD and the reminiscence of playing schools as a child has set me up well for our temporary classroom. It started out in the playroom, with two of the nested tables (size appropriate) and two toddler chairs we never managed to get rid of, but realising that as teacher I was sat on the floor for the majority of the lessons, I wanted to assert my authority, and so we have taken over the dining room table.

I think I’m really lucky. My 11 year old is at secondary school, and Showmyhomework has become a good friend of mine. The is planned based on whatever overdue work needs submitting (first half hour panic) and then what has been set for the day. As a budding linguist, I try and add a bit of French to the curriculum but I’ve been caught out a few times with the complaint “Oi, we’ve not got French to do today”. My reply is generally “ah ah, say it in French” see, clever Mummy thinking I’ll get the kids to learn something without realising it, but then the response to that is “no”.

So we’re sticking mostly to the curriculum, unless I have a zoom social with my work friends, who I’m missing loads, and then it’s art time or computing.

My 8 year old, Lucy is super lucky that in her school, all the class teachers are now spending two lots of 20 minutes each day on Microsoft Teams to teach Maths and English. It does affect my curriculum of hour long lessons, but I’m coming to terms with that gradually, and Molly and I love to listen out for the repetitive “Miss B, you’ve been muted” shouted out at 5 minute intervals by most of the Year 3 kids to their lovely teacher, who isn’t even a Miss, she’s a Mrs.

Now, I know that the haters are judging me, because I’m not really that stressed, and the girls are getting their work done, and we’re all still talking at the end of the day. I don’t have a failing Ofsted graded poster in the window, but I also stopped short of giving myself an Outstanding (a little pompous perhaps?)

The most important thing with regards to homeschooling though, and it’s a massive drain on your own resources, is to sit with your child. Look at the work they have been set, ask them questions, work together to understand the task, and be that other child in the classroom they can ask questions with, or pass notes to. It’s so so important in this situation to be present with your kids if you can, to ask them questions at every stage to reassure them that they are doing it right and praise them for getting it done. Of course they still get a bollocking when they don’t, but those are short lived and by the end of the school day we’re all in a happy place again.

So the key to less stressful learning and teaching at home is thus:

• Focus on the lessons that you and your kids like or understand.
• Spend a little extra time on those lessons, I received great advice from a friend which was to become great at the subjects you like (or the kids) and get the other subjects done, ready for teacher to teach when they go back.
• Sit with your children, and make sure you understand as much as they do what they’ve been asked. Be the second kid in the class with them.
• For other subjects, get them through the homework, get it submitted and out the way
• Listing to Kerrang radio helps me to to stay calm as a teacher, as I can stop shouting at points to sing a bit of metal at the kids.
• Write down the instructions for the homework, and make sure your child ticks them off as they’ve done it. This prevents going back after the lesson to say “but why didn’t you complete what they’ve asked, why have you not submitted this, completed the test etc. etc.”
• Keep feeding the kids constantly, it’s a great distraction. Maybe not too much sugar though if like Lucy, they get hyper on it.
• If they do get hyper and can’t sit still, get them to march around the house shouting out times tables.
• Read, read and read some more. That’s the motto from our primary school headmistress (not me in this instance). But then ask them about what they’ve read.
• Duolingo for languages, even Molly, who is a bit of a clock watcher, stayed behind an hour after school the other day because she was so engrossed in her French
• PE everyday. For us it’s walking the dog, finding new and exciting places, and even if the girls aren’t listening to me list off the various tree names (all made up though), I’m almost educating myself with this beautiful nature we’re surrounded with.
• Apparently homework isn’t a thing in lockdown, such a shame.
• Buy printer paper, and ink, don’t think you can get away without printing stuff. It makes life more difficult.

Overall, remember that you’re not a qualified teacher (unless you are, then just get on with teaching and do what you do best), and you’re spending a hell of a lot more time with your kids so go easy on yourself, easy on them. Apparently it’s Ok to drink Gin in the staffroom, it’s Ok to have lunchtime naps and it’s OK to shop online whilst the kids have their heads in their work.

Finally, remember to praise your kids, even if you think they’ve done a crap job but if they’ve done something, tell them that you’re pleased with the progress and suggest ways that tomorrow you can build on that progress. When they realise that they have to keep doing the subject until they get it right, they’ll soon look for ways to get it right first time.
Real life skills are also lessons, brushing the dog, hoovering (bit of a disaster though when the hoover is bigger than the child), helping with dinner and cleaning the bathroom. These are chores that could even be rewarded for, but that’s a whole nother blog, when we delve into the world of RoosterMoney.com