It's Mental Health awareness week - be kind

The importance of being kind

What better a time than the stress this importance than during Metal health awareness week, where the accent is indeed on being kind.

There are two ways to be kind to someone, the first is instinctive and the second thought-out.  Both are easy and free to do, but can make such a huge difference to the wellbeing of the recipient.

So, first of all let’s talk about Instinctive kindness, the easiest and quickest way to make someone feel good.

Holding the door open for someone (although now you might have to do it with an outstretched foot so as to keep your distance.  Have you ever thought about your own reactions when someone does or doesn’t do this? I know that I have spent many episodes trying to think of different ways to thank the same person in succession as we both walk through the same four doors to get to our destination. “Thank you, thanks, cheers, ta,” nodding heads, smiles. You’ll think nothing of it after, but your endorphins take note and store that memory in the good side. You’re more likely to remember the guy who didn’t hold the doors open and your reaction might be along the lines of “Oh, wow, really? THANK YOU (huge sarcasm here), can’t you see me?” and so on.  If that person stopped to have a chat with you at the final door, you’d naturally be a little pissed off. “So you did see me following you but you couldn’t keep to door open for me? Well I don’t agree that it’s a nice day outside, Sir. I think the sun is too hot and the flowers are wilting. Good Day”  Ok, so I might have gone a bit dramatic there, but it just goes to show what a big difference Instinctive kindness can have on us, and our outlook/actions.

Other forms of instinctive kindness are responding to other people, and showing that you’re listening. People talk to you because they want a response, so give them a kind response and they will feel so much better. Ignore them and they might feel hurt or unwanted. Again, it doesn’t matter if you’re a stranger to them, but if they tell you in the queue to get in to Tesco that they’re really hoping for some eggs today, just acknowledge them, smile, agree or say something to show that you’ve understood their need to communicate.

My favourite time for instinctive kindness is when I’m out walking the dog.  There is a whole level of kindness amongst dog walkers, than there is amongst shoppers for example, and don’t think I’m discriminating against shoppers, because the same people can be in both packs, but when you’re out walking the dog, people are much more likely to smile, say hello, nod in acknowledgement or in best case scenarios stop for a chat, than shoppers who are, well just shopping really.

Next time you walk down the street, smile or greet the first person you see.  They might think you’re weird at first but it will boost their endorphins and get them going.

The second kind of kindness that I’m going to talk about today (and there are zillions more, but we can’t cover them all) is ‘thought-out’.  This is where you purposely go out of your way to be kind to someone.

A good example in lockdown, is what everyone famous on the telly is telling you to do. Call someone on their own.  Thought-out because you need to think who is on their own, and have you got their phone number. It doesn’t have to be an old person either! I call or text my step sister whenever I have five minutes to breathe, and even though that’s not very often, when it does happen we’ll have a good conversation and both of us feel better for it.  Similarly, I have a friend who is totally locked in, and although she lives with her family, I know that she still wants to be thought of by others. The other day I called her from outside her house. We looked at each other through the closed window but had a great catch up.  Thought-out kindness can make a massive difference to mental wellbeing. If you’re a boss and you have furloughed your staff, by giving them a call or dropping them an email, you’re showing kindness in caring and thinking about them.  They might ignore you because they’re having too much fun home schooling, but then they might get a flutter inside to tell them that you’re thinking of them, they are still an important part of the business and this will all be over soon, when they can come back.

Thought-out kindness when you purchase something and really enjoyed it. Tell the person from whom your purchase was made and they will feel happy and proud that they’ve done a good job. Tell everyone else and that’s the best form of free advertising.

Finally, where you are a great person and can think these things through and make lists of who you are going to be kind too, it’s really really important NOT to expect the same back off everyone. Of course there will be other kind people who totally get what you are doing and will reciprocate, but not everyone is like that, or thinks like that. That doesn’t make them bad people at all, but it makes you the one in charge to be kind to them and show them how it’s done.