Comparing our babies

Firstly, apologies for the delay in getting this blog out to you. It's been such a busy month, Coaching, planning workshops and also quite a few birthday parties and cakes to make.  Anyway, we're here now and I'm excited to share with you a topic very close to my heart.

As new parents with young babies, it's inevitable that we compare our babies to others. Being in charge of something you have no prior experience with leads to asking those questions over and over in your head -
- Have I done the right thing
- Is my baby growing at the right speed
- Should he be sitting up now?
- Should he be crawling yet?

All these questions, and hundreds more make a parent seek out the answers, without necessarily asking them.  We join baby groups, NCT, toddlers, church groups, baby massage. And whether we think we are doing it or not, we are checking out the baby next to us, seeing how they compare to our own and putting doubt in our own minds if that other baby has reached a milestone first.  It's such a common anxiety, but one that is so unnecessary.

A major worry in this category for a lot of mothers, is being told by a Health Visitor that they are not reaching milestones. There is nothing more worrying that being told by someone with an official book that their baby is too big, too little, too fat or two thin. What as a parent are you supposed to do about that? Health Visitors are given forever changing information by officials who are certainly not mums on maternity leave.  They have a job to tick checklists and provide information back to the governing Health Bodies. If you personally are concerned about your child's development, then you will seek out the professional help you need. To be told something you cannot do anything about just adds to the frustration and anxiety that mothers do not need to add to their daily worries.

As adults we don't look around us and compare ourselves to our peers. We wouldn't think "Oh no, that person has passed their driving test at the age of 17 and I'm 35 and still not driving". We don't look at others and wonder why they are six foot tall and we are only five foot three. As adults we know, accept, understand and hopefully appreciate that everyone is different. We are unique and that is what makes us special.
And how did we come to be the unique individuals we are? We grew that way.

So, by all means, have a look at the baby next to yours and see how they are getting on. Then look back at your own baby. Ask yourself if your baby is happy, healthy, eating and at some point hopefully sleeping. If you answer yes to those questions, then be sure that your baby is doing just great.  You, as a parent and with your parent instinct will know if something is not quite right, and you need to seek medical advice, but generally babies will get there when they are ready.

The little girl who didn't start walking until she was 22 months old, is now running around the playground, dancing and doing gymnastics with her 7 year old peers. All doing exactly the same moves.

The little boy who, back in the late 70's didn't speak until he was almost 5 years old, is now a top hospital Brain Surgeon.

The baby boy who refused to crawl decided to skip that stage and go straight to walking just before a year.

Trust your instincts, trust that you know the person you have given birth to. Listen to your health team because you are told you have to, and know that your child is doing well because you're a great parent.